Four Years
by gracepresley
Summary: After breaking up with Ryan, iJustine starts feeling lonely and ends up making the huge mistake of going back to an ex. One-shot.


A/N: WARNING: I make Ryan a total stick in the mud in this. I know he's not like that. I'm sure he's great, but for the sake of the story, he's... boring. As fuck. But if you, like, LOVE him, or if you really ship him and iJ, this is not the story for you! It's really kind of just written to be more funny, upbeat (at least at the end), than anything heavy. Plus, if you have read anything else I've written you know I always write about Toby and Justine. This was not intended to be iJobuscus, I don't consider it romantic in any way, but I just... I don't know. They're just... my people. I adore Justine and even though I actually don't like Toby at all, he interests me in an odd way. He's just the kind of person you write about. So yeah. If that sounds good, keep reading! :)

Also THIS IS LONG AF. It's still a one shot, but somehow it ended up really long. Sorry!

* * *

I slipped up.

Ryan and I had just broken up and I was okay for maybe a week or two, feeling very free, and glad to be rid of him. He was boring. Physically a thirty-four year old, mentally a fifty-two year old. He'd say, 'Justine, writing a book? Have you ever written anything in your life? Did you even think that through?' and, 'Australia? Tomorrow? You just decide to take a trip to another country overnight? Did you even think that through?'and, 'Pizza? For breakfast? You might wanna rethink that'. I'd have to remind him, 'You're not my father, Ryan!'. At first I thought I liked that he was reliable, responsible, stable. So unlike all the guys I dated before. I figured maybe that was where I went wrong, going for guys who were crazy and spontaneous and still acted like a kid most of the time. But after about a year of Ryan, I realized I liked guys like that because I was like that myself, and I liked having someone to have fun with. But I stayed with him two more years after that, making it three years with him total. Three years being bored out of my mind. But it was fine. Really fine. Just kind of numb.

I broke up with him on a Sunday morning. I was bored of being bored and I wanted something new. He sat my egg white omelette in front of me. I looked at it and I wasn't feeling it. I looked at him, smiling down at me.

"This time, I put something new in it. Just for a change. I think you'll like it," he said, and it was almost laughable, him saying 'just for a change' like he ever did anything just for a change.

I nodded. But I didn't take a bite. I just looked at it. After a minute of that, Ryan asked me, "Should I make something else? Do you want something else today?"

Then I said it. Just sort of casually, like I wasn't thinking much of it. And I really wasn't.

"This is so over."

I knew from the silence he was confused, though I wasn't looking at his face.

I clarified. "I wanna break up."

He was silent again, though this time there was no confusion. I looked at him finally, and it didn't make me feel as bad as I thought it would, even seeing the hurt in his eyes, I guess because I hadn't been feeling much of anything lately. Or because I'm a bad person. Who knows, really. But either way, I just didn't feel anything when I looked at him. And I could practically hear his thoughts, wondering what the hell he did wrong.

"I'm just really bored," I said. I stood up from the table. "I'm gonna go to Dunkin' Donuts and get some breakfast. And then I think I'll go to Cat's. We've been talking about recording something. I'll probably be back this afternoon. I hope you'll be out by then." My voice was monotone, showing no emotion because I had none. No emotion while breaking up with my boyfriend of three years. What was wrong with me?

As I started walking to the door, he yelled after me, rather desperately, "Wait, Justine! If you're bored, well then, we can do stuff! What do you wanna do? We can go anywhere you want! Honey!"

"Pack your stuff," I said before grabbing my bag and leaving the apartment.

And when I got back at four PM, he was gone. And I went to bed alone, but I wasn't lonely at all. I finally felt really happy.

When I gave Jenna a recap of what happened that night, she did make me feel a little bad, and I did realize I was quite a bitch to him, but still, I wasn't going to apologize. I didn't feel like I needed to. I was glad it was over.

I kept feeling great for the first couple of weeks. Really really, on-top-of-the-world great, and really free, and just overall really happy. But then my sister got a boyfriend. And then I was third-wheeling like she used to with me. I felt lonely for the first time since the break up. I didn't miss Ryan, but I did miss being in a relationship.

And that's when I slipped up.

It happened at Phil's wedding. Of course, feeling already lonely, a wedding didn't help much at all. But I congratulated them and smiled and hugged and did everything I was supposed to do. Kept up the act. I sat beside Jenna, who sat beside perfect Matt, who she had brought as her plus one. I did not bring a plus one.

It was all right until the reception, when Jenna and him got up and went to dance, leaving me sitting by myself, looking like a total loser. I stayed there for a minute, but then I got up too, and I wasn't going to dance, just stand around watching other people, looking like I was doing something other than sitting and being sad and alone.

And the problem was: _Toby_ was there.

Not surprising or anything, because I knew Phil and Toby were friends. Phil came to Toby's 26th birthday party four yearsago, and I vividly remembered him slamming me into the wall and leaving me with a huge purpley-black-blue bruise on the side of my knee. So it didn't surprise me seeing Toby there. It didn't surprise me that he ended up being the one the whole crowd was surrounding, as he danced like an idiot, not actually dancing, but really just flailing. That was normal of him too, at least how I remembered him. Him and I danced in the Apple Store. Four years ago. Everyone looked at us like we were stupid. So I wasn't surprised by him. I was, however, surprised by myself when I talked to him.

Toby and I didn't talk anymore. We broke up. Ages ago. And we only dated, like, five months. A lot happened in those five months, though. It started fast and it ended fast. We weren't that good together. It was like taking the two most annoying people in the world and putting them in the same room. We joked about that. We both were way too loud, and we both talked way too much and usually about stupid things. We were both hyperactive and we both sang too much for two people who couldn't carry a tune. It was most likely very exhausting to anyone around us. But I loved him like crazy. He just had something about him. A little odd. Eccentric, maybe. Hair always a little messy. Eyes always big with excitement. He always found something to talk about, with anyone, didn't matter who. He could make anyone laugh, even just by laughing himself. It was contagious.

I guess when I was watching him, just completely being himself, I remembered all that I liked about him. He just didn't care what anyone thought. It was such a great trait to have. Admirable. I had heard some things about him, though, recently. He had really changed in the last four years. He had become too cocky, too self-centered. Most people couldn't even stand being around him. But I just wasn't sure if I could believe that. That wasn't the Toby I knew. I knew him to always put others first. He was humble. Four years ago.

I had to find out how he was for myself. So that's why I talked to him. I guess.

"Hey. I saw you dancing. Looked good," I jokingly complimented him as he walked away from the crowd.

He had untucked and halfway unbuttoned his white dress shirt, revealing his green Tobuscus shirt underneath. He always wore his Tobuscus shirt. And the green one was his favorite. That hadn't changed.

"Ahh! Thanks," he said, smiling at me with his perfectly white teeth. That hadn't changed. "You shoulda jumped in."

I giggled, looking down, a little nervous. Toby didn't get nervous. "Eh. Not feelin' so dancy tonight. If that's a word," I said, quickly wishing I hadn't after realizing it made it sound like something was wrong. I had been trying to make sure I sounded really fine. But at least he didn't know about the break up.

"Aw! What? Why?" He asked.

"Oh, no, I just. I don't know. Just not in that kinda mood. More in the mood to watch _other_ people dance and make themselves look like idiots tonight," I made something up, and laughed it off.

"I get that!" (Everything he said was an exclamation. That hadn't changed.)

I smiled and he smiled.

After that, things just went very fast.

Jenna left with Matt a little early. She told me they were leaving, and I just told her I'd find a ride home. She looked at me strange, but then they both left, and I went back over to we talked and laughed and danced and some of our friends thought it was odd, but we both ignored it.

At the end of the night, when everyone was leaving, I did end up finding a ride home, and yes, of course, it was with Toby. But he took me home. My own home. He really did. And he was going to leave.

But then I slipped up and I asked him to come inside. I can't tell you why. I have no idea. It was just a weird split second decision I made, and I regretted it later, but at the time it just seemed right. He made me feel less lonely. When I asked him in, his eyes got wide with shock, but then he smiled again. And he came in. I sort of knew he would, if I was being honest.

"Oh, hey. It looks way different in here," he commented, looking around my apartment.

"Four years is a long time," I reminded him, taking a step toward him, so he was just a bit closer. "A lot's changed."

"True," he said with a simple nod.

Another strange quick decision and my hand was on his arm. I looked up at him and gave him a smile, letting him know what I really wanted then. With that, he cocked his eyebrow, and half-smiled. He leaned in, just slightly, and I leaned in, just slightly, and we were so close it felt like four years ago.

But then he leaned away. Quickly. He took a step back, confused. He was confused, but he had to have suspected something when I invited him in. It wasn't like he had never been in that situation before. From what I'd been hearing, he got around.

"Toby!" I groaned, without thinking, but I was incredibly frustrated.

"What about your ugly boyfriend?" He asked, sounding almost mad.

"Ugly?"

"Well, he's no _me_ , Justine," Toby said, chuckling to himself and I finally saw that cocky side of him everyone talked about.

I ignored it. "We broke up, like, a few weeks ago."

"Ohhh!" he said, like he was having an epiphany. "That's what this is about. I was wondering. God, I was confused why you were coming onto me."

"I wasn't coming onto you!" I argued.

He raised his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, were you, like, not there? You were touching my arm and trying to kiss me just two seconds ago and at the party—wedding! Sorry—you were laughing at everything I said and leaning in all close to me. You were flirting. Also, you invited me in and I'm assuming it wasn't to record a very late episode of Little Big Planet 2," he pointed out and he wasn't wrong at all.

"Okay! So! I wanted to have sex with you! I haven't had good sex in, like, years! And you… well, you were the best," I flattered, knowing that was the one bulletproof way to seduce him. I was only stretching the truth just a little bit. I took a step to him, closing the gap between us again.

He smiled again. I got him.

We kissed. Such a familiar thing. Bringing back old memories, old feelings with that. It was February of 2011 and he was going to drive me home, but instead we ended up in his bed after kissing for the first time. I thought it was too fast, but I didn't regret it either. It was everything I wanted, right there. And even if it wasn't that night anymore, I could pretend. I could fake love for him, and pretend he was the world, just like it was four years ago.

He laid me down on the bed where just a few weeks earlier I had been have boring planned sex with Ryan, and it felt so odd, being with another man after so long. And I was glad it was Toby. Even if I did regret it later. I needed to make somewhat of a 'smooth' transition into the dating life again, and what better way to do that than start with familiar territory? It comforted me.

It was good. Until I heard someone call my name. And it wasn't Toby's voice.

Jenna.

Yes, my baby sister walked in on me, shirtless, in bed, underneath my ex-boyfriend, also shirtless, unhooking my bra. I'm sure that'll make a great memory. One we can tell Mom and Dad. Laugh about at Thanksgiving dinner.

"Justine," she said, normally, causal, walking into my room.

That was when both Toby and I looked at the door in shock, and embarrassment (well, I was embarrassed. Toby didn't get embarrassed. That hadn't changed).

Then there was a gasp from Jenna, when she saw us, and realized what was going on. Then she turned away. I imagined her eyes burned and I wouldn't be surprised if they fell out of her head. That was what would happen to me if I walked in on her with Matt.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, reaching under me, trying to re-clasp my bra. I sat up.

"Oh my God," Toby said, less dramatically, and more monotone, like he was going to be sick. He moved off of me, sitting up and looking straight ahead.

"Oh my God! Sorry! Oh my God!" Jenna yelled, running out of the room and closing the door behind her.

The door slammed.

"Oh my God." I could still hear her outside the door. "Was that Toby?" She asked loudly, and I almost wanted to laugh, but I was too shocked and my mind was going too fast for that.

"Oh my God." Toby exhaled. "Oh my God."

"Oh my God," I said tiredly, laying back down and rubbing my eyes.

Then Toby started laughing. Quiet at first, then a little louder. He leaned forward, face-first on the bed like a little kid. I laughed too, then, really loud as I stared up at my ceiling, wondering if what just happened really did happen.

Jenna was the last to laugh, probably because she was utterly traumatized.

But after all the shock wore off, it really was funny. And we all were laughing so hard we were crying. Toby fell off the bed and ended up laying on the floor. With that, I laughed even harder. I turned sideways and looked at him, shirtless and on my floor, and the sight was so strange in 2015.

Jenna managed to get out one last, "Oh my God!" in between laughs.

So it was Toby on the floor, me, half naked on the bed, Jenna sitting with her back against the door, all laughing our asses off at a situation that was so awkward there was nothing else you could really do about it. Just the absurdity of the situation was really what got us, I think. The fact that my little sister walked in on me in bed with a guy. The fact that that guy was _Toby_. It was all just a little ridiculous.

But I hadn't laughed like that in years. Three, probably.


End file.
